Observations from a 40 year old college student

Ok, so today marks my return to college from a brief 2 week break between summer classes and the Fall semester. The campus is once again full of lost kids staring blankly at schedules and maps. I sit high above the chaos as I type this watching them all wander around aimlessly. See the Non Traditional Student lounge (what I refer lovingly to as The Old Man Room) has this spectacular view of the courtyard outside the Union building and the Library. Behind the screen I am using, is a giant glass window that allows me to enjoy the meandering kids below in my 4th floor perch.

Some observations from a so-called adult in this young person’s haven.

If you are walking and staring into your phone, head down and oblivious to others around you…… I will not move. Sorry, I won’t. Call me an asshole or whatever, but I refuse to alter my path so you do not run face-first into me. First, I am not a fan of phones. Yes, they are handy. Yes, phones allow me to reach people in emergencies. Yes, hand held mobile phones allow others to reach me in emergencies. That is where I kinda draw the line. If you want to talk and walk, then by all means do so. With this motion your head is up, and you are at least semi-paying attention to what lies in front of you. When your head is down, eyes all glossy from your soul been poured into that infernal handheld computer, I lose my patience. Call me an old man, an old fogey, or just plain old I don’t care. See, to me it is not about being old, it is about a few other things.

One of the main ones is respect. Respect for others around you. If you don’t care about the other living, breathing, smelling, stinking, laughing, crying, mass of people around you….stay at home.

Another is spatial awareness. See, growing up in the backwoods of north east Mississippi we have these things that slither around on the ground. They have no legs, like to hide in thick grass, and tend to get really pissed off if you step on or near them. They have space issues. They are extremely aware of things around them. So if you aren’t aware, never fear they will be more than aware for the both of you.

I grew up with that saying (read with a Southern drawl for full effect) “If’n that were a snake, it’d bit ya.” There is actually a factual reason for that saying that seems lost on the youth of today. I mean, a person could really enact some population control with things like, venomous snakes, bear traps, caltrops, or those psycho rats from Narnia that like to stab people. To quote Samuel Jackson, “There are too many motherfuckin’ snakes on this motherfuckin’ plane campus!”

911 what’s your emergency?

Students are falling down all over campus, clutching their leg with one hand, their phone with the other! It’s horrible!

Sir, do you know what’s causing this?

I don’t know but my leg is burning so I am googling “leg burning” while talking to you.

Sir, do you see anything that may have caused this?

Hang on, I don’t have many bars so it’s loading slowly.

I really was going somewhere with this blog before I got sidetracked. Oh yeah. Maybe tomorrow.

About Chad R Smith

I am an aspiring writer and a hapless motivator, hoping to spread a different perspective of the world and the chaotic ramblings of my mind with others View all posts by Chad R Smith

3 responses to “Observations from a 40 year old college student

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tonysbologna : Honest. Satirical. Observations.

Honest. Satirical. Observations.


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